Look, guys and gals, I get it…
Most of the days, weeks and years in our life we don’t really want to be alone.
Humans are built to be social.
We thrive off interactions with each other.
And what is the best way to have most of it?
Relationships, any kind, be it serious girlfriend/boyfriend thing, casual sex, friends or even business partners.
That is all awesome and definitely makes our life better.
There is another opinion though – there is a beauty in being alone.
And I am not saying “alone” in a retreat-like monk mode way. That is a different beast altogether, has its uses and we usually go for it with a clear purpose in mind.
I am talking about living among people, but not having strong connections to them – usually “involuntary”, or at least without choosing to be by yourself specifically beforehand.
So, not having commitment. Not having obligations. Not having constant people in life that can support you and are fun to be around.
I think we can all agree that there are periods in life when we don’t have people close to us, right?
While hard to manage, I think embracing it is the best course of action.
This may sound like a cop-out approach – if “that is not my end goal” why would I settle for less?
Honestly, it probably is a cop-out.
Or I would say – adaptation to reality.
You see, there is no real benefit from being miserable while you don’t have someone to share your experiences with.
In fact, if you change the mindset of “suffering” onto enjoying the moments of being by yourself – every bit of your life will become more manageable, your attitude will allow you to notice awesome things and even be happy.
You start to look forward to every moment of your days. You run towards experiencing life with a focus on you and, guess what – you learn yourself better.
I would even say these periods of “being alone” are a MUST for your self-development.
Only by being one-on-one with your own thoughts and stories can you investigate the depths of the mind.
To find internal support and power. To stop depending on anything external for your peace and happiness.
Let me be clear, it is most likely is not forever – if you don’t plan on becoming a monk to live in a mountains and find the purpose in serving the snow and wind…
There will be a point of saying “oh, fuck it” and going all in with finding these people for yourself.
To not feel alone and have some company, even if for a while – we ARE social animals after all.
While you’re not at that point though, or even while you are working on finding companions – embrace the loneliness.
You can use it as a point of pride for a while (just try not to make it your life’s purpose).
It IS a very unique thing in our current society to be by yourself, to embrace it and to make the most out of “one human army”.
Just imagine how cool it is sitting in a beach-side restaurant with a glass of your favorite drink and a delicious meal, looking at tens of tables around you filled with couples and friend groups, realizing that there are no people sitting by themselves.
Depending on the perspective, it can feel either very lonely, or extremely special – I’ll let you decide what would enrich your life better…
Another example is to travel to a completely different place or country, going where you want, when you want – it is an experience like no other, if you didn’t do it before.
Even better, if you can, to find things you enjoy to do by yourself – going to cafes, movies. Walking, running. Working on your body or diet. Travelling and meeting random people outside. Sleeping more. Advancing in your career and business. Taking up hobbies.
There are so many possibilities that stand before you.
Some of the “struggle moments” that I went through…
For example while going through a foreign country entirely by myself, taking week-long refuges in secluded basement-hotels and having drinking wine and videogames as the only thing that distracted me from feeling “people-deprived pain”.
Or to go to “cuddle parties” (fun events where you can ask anyone for interaction and to go with whatever you both/your group wants to do).
Where almost all people were social and could talk and connect easily with each other and ask to cuddle and share this human warmth.
While I was sitting in the corner for three straight hours, unable to meet anyone’s gaze and just ask for a quick hug…
Moments like these were painful. But each of them allowed me to make LEAPS of progress in areas of my psyche, social awareness, assertiveness and trust in myself.
While they were uncomfortable at the time to the point of literally running in panic and screaming after, from overflowing emotions…
I remember each of them fondly. Later these key moments allowed me to have better interactions with people, and to be more happy and peaceful overall.
They were the experiences I would not replace for anything – they were that unique.
I would not have them if I had not been alone at that time.
The last, but one of the most important points – learning to enjoy living by yourself will make you a more happy, easygoing, interesting and funny person.
The kind of person people usually love to have around – so by finding the way to be alone – you are making the life of the “future you” much, much better.
So, don’t forget to say thanks to the current version of you when you get there…
Finding “matching” partners/friends takes time.
Having high-quality relationships will probably require a fair amount of self-improvement on your side to start and sustain.
I am not trying to dissuade you from finding people that you want to spend your time with.
Connection, trust and intimacy are immensely awesome – it is one of the most important things in life for me, and I am actively looking for it right now, with a lot of effort and money, at the moment of writing this article.
In some way this text is a reminder to myself, that no matter what the current situation is, being alone is not “bad”.
It has its awesome sides, and they deserve to be enjoyed while we can.
So my closing thoughts to you:
In the meantime – embrace the present, “alone” version of you.
Use it to become the best version of yourself possible.
Have unique experiences that you couldn’t even imagine before.
Live life the fullest you can at this time.
And when the opportunity comes – share it with someone close.
That time will come.
It is inevitable.