For the longest time, I was vary and suspicious of people around me.
I thought that everyone was out to get me. That living among humans is a constant battle of wills, and if I give in even for a second – I will lose myself and everything I have.
I notice that idea has become really popular in our current world.
There are chill countries/societies, or more closed ones. But, universally, wherever I went, I saw it in the general population. Especially because I was like that myself.
Maybe somehow somewhere something went completely wrong and most of us started treating each other like adversaries.
“Me or them”. Good mindset to have, huh?
It feels like people enjoy the thrill of being an eternal gladiator in a coliseum of existence, fighting one brawl after another with only a brief moment of respite.
I get where it probably comes from.
We usually don’t have the energy or even knowledge how to recover if someone does try to use our vulnerabilities for their benefit.
No one teaches us how to handle violent thoughts gracefully, how to heal and learn from painful interactions – and we think that the world is going to end if we open up to people – “they are always gonna take advantage of us, right?”
Maybe it is an ego thing – “I am alone against the world”.
That creates an idea of scarcity.
There is a need to protect yourself, build walls and not give out freely.
But what does it do to our lives then? If we treat people coldly and keep the distance, they will usually mirror that back to us.
That creates a never ending cycle of manipulation in response to manipulation.
It gets harder to open up the deeper we go down that rabbit hole.
What if instead we came from a position of trust and vulnerability?
A couple of years back, while being amidst my then-social-circle giving ice baths to each other, I realized that I am tired of constant battle. I don’t want this anymore…
I refuse to live in the world where people cannot connect and are expecting a knife in the back at every moment.
I just don’t see the benefit of being among that society.
So I won’t…
What is the solution then?
Become a monk? Move somewhere? To another city, country?
Wait until humanity goes to space and say Sayonara, Bitches to everyone here?
My approach turned out to be much more simple.
I started seeing everything in the world as inherently positive, helpful and kind.
Yes, from time to time I cannot trust people around me completely, because of my insecurities. But now I always look at people with hope, at the very least.
Everyone has something good in them. They want to be happy and make the world around better.
I don’t want even to consider the different world view. That if I open up someone will punch me in the face.
I Just Refuse To Believe That The World Is Bad
I instead choose to see that it is beautiful and all people want me to be happy.
That doesn’t really matter.
Someone will use me?
Yeah, they probably will at some point. But why should that be a bad thing?
It will be an opportunity to learn myself – these people will still give me something.
The magical thing happens when I see the world through my Pink-tinted glasses.
It starts to become a place where any person I meet can add to my life, and not take from it.
More importantly, I got a desire to give back to that kind and gracious world.
That makes me happy.
It is all a matter of framing.
Same exact things can be the worst thing in the world or a gift, looking from a negative and positive view respectively.
That doesn’t mean that I became a punchbag for the folks – entirely the opposite.
It becomes a win-win situation:
They get something they wanted.
I learn not to repeat these situations anymore, be more stoic or whatever else that helps me and makes me stronger.
They cannot hurt me anymore.
Really hurt me…
I just won’t look at it like that.
I will still adjust and learn to have less things in my life that don’t add too much to it…
But that becomes a question of efficiency then, instead of life and death.
Also, for anyone who doesn’t want to hurt me – oh they are in for a fucking treat. They will receive so much of my support, affection and love, that they will have no choice but to give it back.
It becomes a grand win-win.
So it is a win-win either way.
Sounds like an awesome world to live in.
I made a decision to exist among abundance, where everyone wants to add to each other, to help their peers grow.
It is a matter of framing. And I chose mine.
You have the same perspective now. I gave you no choice and forcibly shoved it into you (how kind of me)
Now, what you will do with this insight, is your responsibility.
You can live in a constant fight, or in an infinite peace.
Think about it. Choose your world.