Do you remember all the choices you made along the way?
But every one of them got you to where you are standing, sitting or lying now.
With just the smallest decision made ten years ago, your life could look entirely different right now.
It is not good or bad, it just is.
There are no right or wrong choices.
It may have been a decision made 4 years ago while taking the subway, walking among crowds of people, going to your apartment on 7th floor, punching numbers on the screen and forcing yourself to finally have that call (oddly specific, I know)
Or maybe it was some tiny plan of action you imagined yesterday, while lying in bed, being grateful for the past day and preparing for the next one.
Whatever decision you made in the past is the only right one.
You are here, in the present because of it.
“We did the best we could with the information we had”.
I would even go further and say “And we truly, undeniably wanted for whatever reason to do whatever we did”.
This reason we can investigate and address now or in the future. But the action we did is the part of the world now. I wouldn’t even ask you what you decided to do – it absolutely doesn’t matter.
The answer for every one of your past deeds – “You did good”.
I like to think that we are all the geniuses of the times long gone.
How cool is it that your mind chose this particular direction. Built this most important existential block of your current “I”.
My past self wanted to eat, breathe, stand from the couch, walk around on his own or with people, focus on work, distract himself with games, wake up in the middle of the night, go to the street and talk to random girls, escape from the world and lie down depressed, try kinky stuff in sex, brew a coffee, write a journal, sit down, start writing this article and come up with all these random weird actions and then read them aloud…
Your past self may have done all this shit, or none, or maybe something similar, and you are alive now (and if you are not, then greetings from the other side, you did good too!).
How fucking cool is that!
We have much yet to learn in our lives.
We have lists with hundreds of books, videos or whatever we want to experience.
We, in our present version, are ALWAYS an unfinished product – in constant flux, relentlessly going somewhere, changing, and having all this chaos of possible routes to take at each moment in time.
Our mind rests or races with all the projections, trying to make the most out of every situation.
In contrast, our past self, even the one from a second ago, is totally and utterly complete.
He or she don’t have anything left to learn – they had everything they needed at the moment. They chose what to do in that second, they fulfilled their purpose PERFECTLY, and they retired in peace. Now they are an unmovable mountain rock that will stand for an eternity and allow others to climb on it. Solid foundation that we can build our future life upon.
Even if you are choosing to do something seemingly “wrong” or “negative” in the now, remember – you have your reasons to do that. Even if you cannot see why, somewhere deep inside something wants to make that choice, made it happen in your reality.
You may have expected different, “better” or more thought through course of action. But you did what you did.
You wrote it on the pages of history.
That decision was the best you could have done in the circumstances – accept it.
What happened is the absolute truth.
The pressure of choices comes only in our present, never in the past.
Your former self is a wise man, the sage, the stoic. He or she is the ultimate source of knowledge. Show them respect that they truly deserve and you will receive back tenfold.
They deeply desire to help you make your life better. They want to give all from their massive solid hearts. They are generous with their infinite wisdom.
But they will do all that only to ones who are ready to be humble and listen.
Do not try to change or regret the choices your past self has made. Resisting it is futile. It doesn’t help in the slightest.
Look back at the road you took with awe. Be amazed at the details. Inspired with how much perseverance went into making it happen.
Be grateful for the unexpected wisdom of your past self.
Use it in present. Use it gracefully.